dialogue

So I have no desire to be extra inflamatory with what I say... I really don't. I have no desire to accuse and somehow make it seem like I think I'm perfect and if only everyone else would just hear what I say, they might have a chance at that kind of perfection, too... that's not my intent.

Really, I want people to dig and dialogue. That's a stupid word out of intellectual circles. People in those circles use the word dialogue to describe the process of talking... :) They say, "let's dialogue about it" and sound really high and intelligent, when all they're really saying is let's talk about it. :) But honestly, I want people to talk in a way that is seeking. I hope for talk that is directed. I guess that's kind of how I see dialogue. Talking is just conversation--you might just be passing time, or discussing a shopping list or a birthday party. I see dialogue as talking with a point. Talking that's intended to get somewhere. Talking that shoots to evaluate and dig through an issue.

So I suppose the way I preach, the way I lead discussion, the way I teach... all are hopefully leading teens to dig deeper. Hopefully teens are challenged to be a bigger part of the grander discussions that have taken place thousands of times, and continue to take place as fledgling Christians the world over continue to seek after what it means to have 'relationship' with an almighty God. I desire not to give 'pat' answers, but to inspire questions that dig and seek after God!

Hypocrisy

I watch a lot of people say what they know we want to hear. At retreat, we asked those who had relationship with God to light a candle. We only requested that people be honest with themselves. Nothing bad was going to happen to those who didn't light--we tried to promise that, and maybe it's heard and believed, and maybe not; maybe they heard but have experienced the opposite so often in life they couldn't believe. But lots of people lit candles who aren't really ever trying to live anything close to something resembling Christianity (of course, what right do I have to define what that's supposed to look like... but there are some parameters, right?? Seeking after Truth, God, Righteousness; Love for others; Honesty; etc... I mean isn't it rather obvious when someone's actually trying!!)

Funny thing is, I come on here and read all kinds of people's bulletins. Day 1, they put something out that says something about their private parts and the parties they went to and how they want to bleep your blankety blank... Day 2, they put out one of those bulletins that talks about how if you are a 'real' Christian, you'll re-post this bulletin... cause 98% won't!! So we get guilted into it, convincing ourselves that posting that bulletin qualifies as 'taking a stand' for Christ.

It amazes me how the dichotomy and hypocrisy is so easy for us to maintain! We post the dualist remarks and walk in to youth group proud of how we're standing firm for God!

How I long for a group of people who live for God fully. Who cease to perform the 'minor' sins and seek to live fully for God. How I long for a people who don't have to be cajoled into worshipping God, but do so out of love and excitement for Him. How I long to be pushed and prodded by my peers who continually hold me to higher standards of righteousness as opposed to helping me feel OK about the ways I've justified and rationalized my life.

And why is it so bad to hope for this among teens? Teens who are constantly seeking something to give their life and energy to? Teens who so desperately seek a way to be unique and stake a claim in life for themselves? Teens who so often talk about being true to what you believe... Is this really what you believe? Examine the God you claim (really, if Christianity is the way so many of us live, this is your God): a God who doesn't mind that you talk dirty and think dirty and live in misleading ways. A God who accepts that you just won't be able to live at the standard He's placed in front of us. A God who doesn't seem to notice the things that we call 'minor' sins.

You see, what might seem 'minor' to me matters to God. God doesn't just call us to 'try'... well, yeah He does... but to try in a way that gives all of me! We all know when we play a sport whether or not we've given everything. We know when we practice our instruments whether or not we've practiced with everything we have. We know when we interact with our parents whether or not we're truly being respectful... and we know when we're actually trying to live for God and when we're trying to convince ourselves that half-effort is good enough.

It's time to stop living comfortable half-faith.

War

We have a new janitor at our church. His name is Joe, and he was in the army with me back in the day. We connected last week, and started catching up. I'd forgotten that my old unit had gone to Iraq with the first wave in. They spent time on the front lines, occasionally in front of the infantry and cavalry.

For those who don't know, the first soldier to die who came from Portland was Brandon Tobler, and he was from my unit up there in North Portland. Joe knew him. A number of guys died in that conflict.

I shared with Joe that I felt like I really wasn't a soldier cause I never got to go to battle. (When I was in, we came within two weeks of being called to Bosnia when for no apparent reason, they took a North Carolina Unit instead.) Joe said he'd felt the same until they went over. But he also talked about how it messed with them. He's in counseling now for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. He said when they came home they did nothing but jump at every loud noise. They looked around every corner just in case, and reexamined every car on the side of a road because it might be booby-trapped.

I walked away envious, and a little thankful, and a little bit in awe. Why'd I get pushed out of the military?? Why did I get to escape that and Brandon Tobler didn't? I don't know it all, but that has played with my mind for a day or two.