I Puked on Prom Night.

That's right, laugh away... but I was nervous for some reason. Some stuff in life's kind of daunting... for me, prom was one of those things. I don't really know why, but I puked the night before I went to boot camp, too. Again, don't know why... I was a little nervous, and had no clue what was in store for me, and up it came.

What's the hardest thing you've had to do?? When I was in boot camp, we had to do push ups until our arms gave out. Lifters know what this is: push until you hit muscle failure. (Nothing really difficult happened at prom except I tried to dance...)

When I played sports, we often had to run. Wrestling practice made us run up and down a flight of stairs in the basement of our school. We went till we could go no more.

School made me study. I hate reading intellectual books. For some reason, I love to read, and love to think, but to read some drab version of a living thought drives me nuts... but I have to if I want to pass the class. Sometimes in school, we'd reach a point in the semester where everything crashed together: 3 papers due in a week, plus a speech, plus a band performance, plus a date, plus all my classes, plus soccer practice, plus chapel, plus a test or two. Sometimes it got chaotically busy. But what do we expect, I mean, really, I didn't go over there to be coddled. I didn't go so that they'd tell me how great I was without forcing me to work to get better.

The same goes for boot camp: I didn't walk in, hoping they'd see that I was ready for the military and let me out of training for it. Nope, I knew walking in that they'd push me to become better in weak areas.

My mind went on this little jaunt this morning as I drove back from the gorge where I'd been reading, praying, and fasting. I stopped eating yesterday at lunch time, and will eat again tonight at dinner. As I was driving back in, I was thinking about how much I wanted some noodles or a burger or some greasy fries. I fought in my mine, justifying how I hadn't really committed to go till dinner, and how 24 hours is equally good... you know, 'I got some good praying in.'

But I'd planned to go till dinner.

If I bail, I fall prey to a myth so many of us buy into: that Christianity is somehow supposed to be easy. That somehow, it's supposed to be nicely presented, and neatly packaged so that I might easily swallow it whole. That somehow, while I acknowledge and embrace that hard work is needed for success in other areas, perhaps spirituality and my quest after God's heart is exempt from this principle.

It's not. You want to know God? Prepare to struggle. But also prepare for a life of wonder and exploration and discovery!! Prepare for times where it feels like you've been abandoned, and prepare for times when you can't believe how God worked on your behalf: how much He truly loves you.